Tuesday, September 3, 2013

on living in the ashtray that is carson city and other nonsense

An old picture of my dreamboat of a baby... because for some reason I can't get myself out to shoot pictures yet. Whether my head just isn't in the right place or I'm too tired and overwhelmed it just hasn't happened. So Instagram friends, I'm sorry you're seeing all the same pictures again here. But it just doesn't feel right post without a picture, you know?

Hold on tight because there is about to be some serious Virginia Woolf-style stream of consciousness happening in this post. I can just feel it in my bones before I even start typing.

Heavens to Betsy the first couple weeks of school are exhausting.

..and the smoke from this fire is sucking the life out of me. Seriously feeling like I'm living in an ashtray.. when I go outside and can see the smoke just sitting in the valley it makes my heart heavy and my chest hurt. My lungs are sad and just want some fresh mountain air, is it too much to ask? Come on fire. We get the idea already. Gimme some wind to blow this smoke somewhere else. I think we've had our fair share of it and not being able to play at the park during our last days of summer is really just ruining everything.

On top of that the kids I teach can't play outside -- and middle schoolers really need to run around and play some soccer at lunch or they're just squirrely and not good. Not good at all.

Onto a totally selfish note: at the end of the day I need some sweet sunshine to warm my soul and mother nature just isn't delivering that. This is turning into a one-sided relationship mother nature. I'm trying to keep you green and you're just burning up and filling my lungs with campfire.
And campfire without marshmallows is not for me.

Topic jump.
I'm really having a hard time with being a people-pleaser. I've spent the last 26 years on this Earth trying to make select people happy and it's starting to feel like even if I try I still can't make everyone happy. And people are going to be upset with me when I don't even mean to upset anyone. And those are some of the same people who have probably upset me in the past and I try to shake it off because life's too short to sweat the small stuff. But then they sweat the small stuff and it's a bummer.

And every sentence starts with and.
sorry not sorry.

I've been trying to find the words to write a post about being a single parent but the words aren't coming to me and I just end up with a post full of nonsense about being tired and smoke and offending people on accident.

And my writing sucks right now and I'm all about conjunctions and there's another one.
and and and and and.

So time to grade papers I haven't had the energy to grade and maybe everyone will get A's this week because I don't feel like ruining anyone else's day, even if they're 13 and hate me and hate math.

over and out.